This is a completely serious question. Here’s what’s going on: I don’t know how to behave towards plastic. Let me explain! I don’t know how to behave because the overall plastic narrative is too chaotic and I don’t know where I’m supposed to stand. I am conflicted between…

The undeniable truth is that technology is attacking me personally.

Every device I encounter on a daily basis has its own special offensive tactic designed to cause me harm. My cell phone, through its various apps, tells me I’m ugly, old, unsuccessful, poor, and mentally ill. My television tells me lies about the world and makes me nervous. My computer taunts me, my Google Home confuses me, and my gas stove is trying to kill me. To top it off…

My waitress is angry with me.

It’s lunchtime and I’ve asked her for a side salad instead of fries. It’s busy in here and as a former waitress I know that this request means I’ve invited some unwelcome detours to the ideal server workflow. She and I will now have to have an exchange regarding dressings, a verbal list…

My dentist’s name is Jake and Jake is a bully. This is not surprising because all the Jakes of the world are bullies. Everyone knows this and I have proof that it’s true. Exhibit A is that all the Jakes I have ever known have been a little bit hot and a little bit mean, which are the two core attributes of bullies. Think about…

On the NJ transit train car I am sitting in, everyone is wearing jeans. I am included in this group of everyone. There are 6 of us total and we are all wearing jeans together. It bonds us, a little, maybe, like we have an unspoken agreement. It says We the People of The NJ Transit Train Car accept…